goddess revealed

Do Actions Speak Louder Than Words?

2012-01-22T17:34:00.004-07:00

Well, do they? I have an amazing soul in my life that does so many things for me, is so thoughtful but doesn't (my interpretation) feel comfortable expressing feelings in words. I surmise it's based on past experience in a marriage where sharing verbally didn't happen and also he was wounded by an unfaithful partner.

Is it insecure to crave the ego-boosting words of another? Does it really matter? I ride the rollercoaster of, no, it doesn't/yes, because it feels good and involves trust, vulnerability, shedding the layers that protect us.

We also all communicate in our own way. Who is to say one form of communication is better than another, right versus wrong?

Here's where I trust in my own intuition, confidence, and trust in the Universe's divine plan for me, knowing I am enough!

Freedom...

2012-01-19T18:55:00.002-07:00

True freedom comes from acceptance...of self, other, the unknown, the uncertain. We're truly missing out on this beautiful moment by needing to plan, needing to know, needing to covet. There's a divine plan for us all. Trust, wait patiently, experience, love. That's when the magic happens.

Nesting!

2011-02-02T14:37:00.004-07:00

This bitter cold weather we're experiencing in Colorado right now has me loving my Sacred Space. Yes, that's what I call my home, Sacred Space. Our homes say so much about our lives. If our homes are messy and disorganized, cold and cluttered, do we really enjoy spending time in that environment? Can we see it as a metaphor for our lives? Are we constantly on the go, never spending time in our homes, never having time to give them some TLC?

I've bought almost every nick-nack, painting, curtain, you name it, at a thrift store! One woman's junk is another's treasure! And everything has a past life, a story. But the decor says so much about me, my spirit, my depth. People feel relaxed here. I'm relaxed here (all 800 square feet of it)!

Maybe I've inspired you to reaquaint yourself with your sacred space. What does it say about you? What would you like it to say about you? Warmth, love, passion, balance?

Faith=Peace

2011-01-26T20:30:00.003-07:00

I inhale and chant FAITH
I exhale and chant PEACE

When I have faith in the workings of the Universe and the unfoldment of my path, I can't be anything but peaceful.

Count Your Blessings!

2011-01-25T16:30:00.004-07:00

I told my yoga clas on Friday, "We can all find SOMETHING to be grateful for." Every day I express gratitude for the (too many to count) blessings in my life. I've been having scary thoughts lately about my financial situation. We all can relate to that. I know with all my heart, mind, and soul that I will be okay. I always am, always have been, but the thoughts creep in and freak me out every now and again.

When you find yourself in these thoughts, don't dwell in this negative state, emitting this negative energy. Think of how rich your life truly is. Count your blessings, write them down. I'm certain you will be pleasantly surprised at how many awesome things you have to be grateful for! Then lift your heart toward the sky (open your heart! as we say in yoga) and say thank you!

Gratitude is a gift to everyone. Saint Paul said "Give thanks in ALL circumstances."

Faith!

2011-01-18T16:03:00.003-07:00

‎"Faith is taking the first step even when you don't see the whole staircase."~Martin Luther King, Jr.

Okay, so I'm a day late in honoring this amazing human being. He was certainly a sage...knowing and acknowledging that we're all created from the same divine source, the same fabric. We are all one.

I posted this on my FB page yesterday and felt compelled to talk about faith today. I still have my struggles with having faith. I guess it's because worry and control have been a part of my monkey mind for so many years. Has worrying ever changed the outcome of my life, my struggles, my challenges? NEVER! Did I find I worried needlessly and then had a good laugh at myself? YES!

When I stop, think, slow down, focus, I truly believe the universe is totally honorable. We ALWAYS get what we need...not necessarily what we think we want or what we recognize as what's best for us. We are totally supported and taken care of ALWAYS.

So let's take that first step together, blindly, nakedly, vulnerably, and trust that we will get to the top of the staircase in our unique way, in our own timeframe, with perfect results!

Yoga, Meditation, Chanting, Peace

2011-01-15T20:27:00.003-07:00

A beautiful way to peace, stillness, and presence is through the practice of yoga, meditation and chanting. From all three of these practices comes a quieting of the mind. We race through life, running errands, doing (sometimes) meaningless chores, never stopping to rest and rejuvinate.

I have had several friends lately try one of my yoga classes or come to a yoga class with me, and now they are practicing regularly. They too have found a place to call home! A place where no other thoughts enter the mind. A place to be totally in your body and reconnecting with the true self, the perfect self. What a gift!

Meditation and chanting place the focus on the breath or a thought or phrase or mantra. Meditation and chanting ask us to let go of the constant chatter in the mind and sit quietly, peacefully and surrender. The energy and vibration that's created is stunning. It is truly palpable.

These are no easy tasks. They all take time and effort and dedication, but are so worth it. Make it a part of your day to start incorporating just one of the three into your life. You (and those around you) will start to notice a beautiful, peaceful glow surrounding you. I can't imagine anything more beautiful!

Ethics and Virtue

2011-01-12T15:27:00.003-07:00

I am reading an amazing book called Essential Spirituality, which pulls from the World Religions spiritual thoughts and practices. There are gems on every single page! I am in the midst of reading about ethical living. Some of us were raised to live ethically out of fear and guilt, hellfire and damnation. Yikes! How motivating is that?

Basically ethical living just means being kind, compassionate and truthful...to yourself and others. What a gift! "What we do, we become." One woman in the book said that "stress may be as much a question of a compromise of values as it is external pressures and fears!"

Acting ethically can be a source of healing...we actually become a source of healing to others as well. What we intend for others we create for ourselves! According to the great religions,(I've noticed these in myself quite profoundly), the many gifts of ethical living include a greater capacity for openness, honesty and intimacy, a heart that is more open, kind and loving, confidence, strength, closer, kinder relationships, joy, the list is extensive.

I close with this beautiful quote: "When we give someone our love,"(of course we're talking about loving all beings, even those who have hurt us) "that same love first flowers within our minds and then overflows into others, leaving its healing imprint on both."

Fear

2011-01-07T09:29:00.004-07:00

We cannot experience fear if we live in the present moment. Fear is always about the future, and the future does not exist. Only this moment exists. Everything else is made up in our imaginations! Right? False Experience Appearing Real! (FEAR)

"The true person sees what the eye sees and does not add to it something that is not there."~Chuang Tzu

If we shine the light on the darkness and ignorance, all that imagined fear shrivels up and dies. So be with the fear, look carefully at it, recognize it is not real, then begin to experience freedom from it! Fear not!

LOVE

2011-01-05T16:41:00.003-07:00

Now that I have spent the last year and a half relearning how to love myself, I am truly astounded by how easy it is to love others and not judge. I am not talking about "romantic" love here. I am talking about unconditional love, respect, appreciation, gratitude for all beings, even the ones that are hard to love! Once I came to the realization that talking down to myself just wasn't working anymore (oh, and that it truly was all bullshit that I was saying to myself anyhow!!), it opened my eyes, my heart, and my mind to so much more.

I just spent 9 days with my parents and had a wholly different experience than ever before. The jugment, the criticism, the expectations just started to roll away. I finally can see them for the loving, giving, accepting parents that they are. We all are on the path, our paths all look different, but who are we to judge another's? We all are doing the best with what we have and what we know. I've said this numerous times, but everyone is our teacher. My parents teach me patience, acceptance, nonjudgment, and so much more. If not for them, I wouldn't even exist! Neither would Lily!

Check in with yourself...is it time for a lesson in love?

"Spiritual love has no desire to get but only to give, no goal except to awaken itself within others, no need except to share itself. Being unconditional, it never fails or falters. Being endless, it embraces everyone."

Intention

2011-01-03T13:02:00.002-07:00

Intention has been on my mind...then 2 of my teachers blessed me with their thoughts on intention, so of course I had to share all of our thoughts bundled together!!

What do you intend for 2011? I first suggest saying thank you and goodbye to 2010. We must be grateful for the blessings, gifts, and lessons the year brought to our paths, and now we must let go. Otherwise, our intentions for 2011 will be fraught with disappointment as we needlessly hold onto the past.

Now set an intention for the coming year and open your heart and your mind to be in receipt of whatever graces your path. KNOW that you deserve it all. Feel it in your heart and soul. Love yourself like you never have before (or at least have forgotten how)!

Sat Nam

Miss Nothing!

2011-01-02T14:40:00.003-07:00

"The fragrance of blossoms soon passes
The ripeness of fruit is gone in a twinkling
Our time in this world is so short
Better to avoid regret
Miss no opportunity to savor the ineffable."
~Loy Ching Yuen, 20th Century Taoist Master

Don't be afraid! Don't hold back! Bust open your heart, your eyes, your ears, your nose, your touch! Savor the ineffable! Taste the sweetness!

Warrior Goddess

2010-12-31T13:20:00.002-07:00

The Shambala Warrior is a gentle, nonviolent warrior. This warrior breaks down the walls encapsulating her heart. She's unafraid to dig deep inside and face what's there. She feels the power in groundlessness, uncertainty. In fact, the adventure excites her. She realizes this takes bravery and courage.

I'm slowly becoming that warrior, accepting it as a lifelong journey, a long road. I love with every ounce of energy I possess. I trust more deeply in the goodness of others and the Universe. I feel safe and supported. I invite you to join me on the exciting, glorious journey.

"Every moment is an opportunity for love and transformation."~unknown

All is as it should be!

2010-12-30T14:07:00.003-07:00

Surrender...Trust...Have Faith...Let Go...Whatever words resonate with you. When we learn to surrender and get out of our own way, the Universe, God, fill in the blank, always takes care of us. What seems like an impossible situation, a painful challenge, a heartbreaking event suddenly unfolds as a magical experience to learn, grow, discover our true path. We must sit patiently, be present, breathe, and be open to whatever comes next. No judgment, no control, just loving kindness.

"I learn by going where I have to go."~Theodore Roethke

A New Year...A New You??

2010-12-27T06:47:00.003-07:00

I don't believe the statement which is the title of this blog post today. It should read A New Year...The Real You...The Original You...The Forgotten You. On the path called life, we eventually will find we have come full circle, back to the divine, beautiful, perfect self. We all already possess everything we need. We've just forgotten or been brainwashed by the constant chatter (chitta vrita) in our minds.

One of my focuses of late has been to be the "observer," the "witness," of my thoughts. I've noticed that I don't even believe the old tape recordings that I continue to play over and over in my mind. We all become so programmed, tuned out, shut down to these thoughts. I've started noticing, hitting the stop button, then the erase button, and letting go and moving on. I'm not hard on myself so much anymore.

Do you still need to worry? Live in doubt? Fear? Can you trust? Do you believe? When is the last time you revisited these questions honestly, presently?

"Only I am responsible for what I think. It is at this leve that I exercise choice."

Finding Peace

2010-10-17T19:10:00.002-06:00

I guess the title of today's blog describes where I've been for almost 2 months! Digging deep, reading books, meditating and doing volunteer work at Shambala Mountain Center, focusing on my beautiful daughter and gift, Lily, and being vulnerable:busting my heart wide open. The shift to groundlessness has occured; when I realize nothing is solid, nothing is stagnant, nothing is changeless. What a relief. All that struggle, attachment, high expectations, assumptions, fears...they've loosened their stranglehold grip on me and my mind. They have not totally vanished (goodness, I'm human!), but they've noticeably backed off. I realize I have absolutely nothing to lose, because I don't even own any of it in the first place.

Buddhists believe that we cause our own suffering, samsara, by believing things to be permanent, changeless. Freedom comes from just allowing, being, trusting.

It's nice to be back...but not on solid ground!

Truly Loving Life

2010-08-25T11:07:00.004-06:00

I wrote "Celebrating Life" on my FB page today, just another way to state how amazing life is if we only take the time to truly just be in it and be grateful. I live in one of the most beautiful cities/states around, I have been blessed with an awesome daughter, amazing, big-hearted friends and family, I am financially stable, super fit, mentally healthy and truly a loving soul. I wear my heart on my sleeve and love people and am always giving them the benefit of the doubt. What's a "second" chance? I give third, fourth, fifth chances!! Why the hell not?

I also quoted Chogyam Trungpa Rinpoche. I know of him through my love of Pema Chodron, his student. I highly recommend ANY book by CTR. I happen to be reading Shambala, the Sacred Path of the Warrior. The path of the warrior has nothing to do with violence or fighting. It's exactly the opposite. It's about bravery and fearlessness, especially when it comes to loving ourselves and knowing just who we are and loving ourselves anyhow (which then of course makes it a piece of cake to love and be kind and accpeting to others). It's about kindness, gentleness, warmth, and celebrating life!

Yes, I am a warrior goddess. I'm brave, kind, loving, unafraid!

How Do You Respond To Discomfort?

2010-08-05T07:24:00.004-06:00

This is one of my favorite questions. My favorite yoga teachers ask it in every class, several times throughout class. I ask my students in my indoor cycling classes (and plan to in all my yoga classes). The answer is very telling...and of course I'm not just referring to physical discomfort.

In yoga, when my quads are on fire, holding an asana, where does my mind go? Do I want to come out of it? Give up? Curse the instructor? Then do I beat myself up because of my decision? This is absolutely a metaphor for life. When things get uncomfortable, when "stuff" comes up, when things aren't going our way, how do we respond? Denial? Blame? Self-destruction? Shut down? Don the armor?

I'd like to encourage all of us to start trying, just trying, a different approach. How about staying in the asana, breathing hugely through the discomfort, repeating something beautiful and positive to yourself, being gentle and loving, experiencing fully the discomfort and letting go of the story.

I know, this takes so much trust and faith in ourselves, two emotions that don't come so easily for us. But what's the alternative? Repeating the pattern over and over, of course! And therefore not really "doing" yoga and certainly not "living" our yoga.

Paths Crossing

2010-08-01T21:03:00.003-06:00

Do you ever wonder why some people come into our lives? I think about this a lot. It's very intriguing to me. I believe everyone is a teacher. I believe in past lives. Have we met these folks in another life, possibly in a different form? Will we keep meeting them in future lives until we finally learn the lesson they were meant to teach us? Isn't this great stuff to ponder? I think it's yummy, juicy, sweet. I, of course, am speaking of those folks we love, those we hate, those we connect with, and those that drive us crazy. They were brought into our lives for a purpose. Just think back...you'll find numerous examples of what I'm speaking of.

More recently, I've tried not to judge. What do I know of another's path? I try to put myself in the other's shoes. I try not to give up on them too easily. I'm feeling more compassionate and unconditional. It's so darn easy to judge, to convict, to blame. What if we stop for just a second and reconsider judgment and dismissal? All the more love we get to receive in return!!!

The opposite of samsara

2010-07-29T10:03:00.002-06:00

Samsara is associated with suffering, or dukkha. It's a part of life. Avoiding it is futile. Dwelling in it, creating it: optional. The opposite of samsara is when the walls we've built crumble, our cozy cocoon disintegrates, and we are open to the magic of "whatever." We step into it, naked, vulnerable, like a child.

I so love the symbolism of child's pose in yoga. We step onto the mat, take child's pose, becoming open to whatever comes our way, feeling playful, letting it be the first time we've stepped onto the mat, a new, fresh, surprising experience every single time. Child-like, we have no judgment, no expectations, no competition, no fears. We get out of ours heads and into the miraculous.

I am a warrior goddess. My journey is uncertain, unknown, and exactly taking shape as it should.

WAHE GURU WAHE GURU WAHE GURU WAHE JIO

Strength From Within

2010-07-28T10:27:00.006-06:00

So many people, especially women, ask me how I have been so strong or compliment me on being so strong in the face of the challenges of the last year and 3 months and ask me to please share my "secrets." Well, I don't have any "secrets." It's my divine purpose to share my experiences and knowledge to hopefully propel others from the depths of darkness into the light that's actually already within them but just a little cloud-covered!

Pssst, it's all in the thoughts. I can either tell myself negative things, keep repeating my story of misery and pain, over and over, or I can tell myself I'm amazing, I'm blessed, I'm beautiful inside and out, have so much to give, and keep opening my heart to all the goodness and love this world is sending me. Yes, negative thoughts (ego) find their way into my consciousness, but I don't have to believe them. I don't have to give them energy to build. I notice them and say, "Hmm, that's interesting, but I'm coming back to breath, coming back to what I KNOW is true."

Life is magical, amazing, powerful. It's that simple.

Heaven and Hell

2010-07-25T08:51:00.002-06:00

A big, burly samurai comes to a Zen master and says, "Tell me the nature of heaven and hell." The Zen master looks him in the face and says, "Why should I tell a scruffy, disgusting, miserable slob like you? A worm like you, do you think I should tell you anything?"

Consumed by rage, the samurai draws his sword and raises it to cut off the master's head.

The Zen master says, "That's hell."

Instantly, the samurai understands that he has just created his own hell - black and hot, filled with hatred, self-protection, anger, and resentment. He sees that he was so deep in hell that he was ready to kill someone. Tears fill his eyes as he puts his palms together to bow in gratitude for this insight.

The Zen master says, "That's heaven."

The Goddess of Wisdom

2010-07-24T14:24:00.004-06:00

"In youth we learn; in age we understand."~Marie Von Ebner-Eshenbach

Yes, I'm finally starting to "get it," this amazing school called Life, with its many lessons, if only for the awakened. Lately I've had this surreal sense of peace and understanding of the bigger picture, the universal consciousness. I now understand what is meant by being the witness. I can sit longer in silence, internal and external; my compassion and unconditional love is expanding; my ability to take it as it comes, without my input, is blossoming; I'm softening to what is. The Buddhists speak of egolessness. I definitely am not there, nor will I probably ever be, but I've glimpsed a tiny slice of what I think it means, and it's beautiful.

Through yoga and meditation, I'm learning to acknowledge my thoughts, without judgment or obsession, and then come back to just being here! Sigh...

Mother Theresa's Prayer

2010-07-21T15:27:00.006-06:00

May today there be peace within yourself. May you trust that you are exactly where you are meant to be. May you not forget the infinite possibilities that are born of faith in yourself and others. May you use the gifts that you have received and pass on the love that has been given to you. May you be content with yourself just the way you are. Let this knowledge settle into your bones and allow your soul the freedom to sing, dance, praise and love. It is there for each and every one of us.

Comfortable With Uncertainty

2010-07-20T06:38:00.001-06:00

That's the title of a book by one of my favorite teachers, Pema Chodron, which I find myself immersed in. Now if I can just get comfortable with uncertainty! She tells me over and over again to remember it's a process, be gentle with myself, I'm beauty unfolding, I'm the lotus. (I've decided to get a lotus tatooted on my body...somewhere private, just for me.)

My divorce, after 11 years of marriage, was final last Monday, down slammed the gavel, chink-chink went the "official," certified stamp on the stacks of paper, all within 25 minutes! So strange, isn't it? Yes, there were tears (only shed by me, of course), yes, there's still some lingering anger at the lies and betrayal, but not so much so anymore as to hold me back. But there lingers that fear of the great unknown. I suppose someone going through divorce isn't alone in fear of the future. That's why I cut myself some slack for these feelings and just notice them instead of wallow in them.

Bodhichitta is defined as that jewel buried deep within us, our truth, our open heart. Pema says that although absolute bodhichitta is our natural state, we are intimidated by its unconditional openness. Our heart feels so vulnerable and tender that we fabricate walls to protect it. It takes work just to see the walls and a gentle approach to dismantling them. The key is to keep opening our hearts to suffering without shutting down.

Pema and Chogyam Trungpa Rinpoche call all the situations in our lives, even the most mundane, "vehicles for awakening." And I'm in the driver's seat.

My Beautiful Lily

2010-07-08T16:24:00.000-06:00

My daughter Lily is such a perfectly balanced little girl in so many ways. She loves hanging out with boys (yang), riding bikes, running hard and racing them. She loves getting dirty, digging for worms (she can't understand why her mom won't touch them), and playing with trucks.

Then there's the yin side of Lily. She loves baby dolls, is very nurturing, loves to wear jewelry and look pretty, and create masterpieces.

She's very sensitive, respectful, grateful, and quite spiritual. She got into a conversation with my mom, trying to convince her she should pray to the Buddha on my front porch!!

The flower name lily is a symbol of innocence and purity as well as beauty. Additionally, the lily symbolizes vulnerability and the freedom to be ourselves, as well as allowing others to be as they are too. What a perfect description of my treasured daughter.

She reminds me to be childlike. It’s not just about happiness and innocence either — being more childlike also helps us to be more creative, more imaginative, more innovative and open to worlds of possibilities. She lives in the present. There are no limits to her imagination. She's endlessly curious. She sees the world with new eyes. Every moment is a gift. What will we do with it? I'll hunt Lily down now (out playing with the neighbor twin boys) and thank her.

Blogging

2010-07-06T10:59:00.000-06:00

Why do I blog? This is a question I have been asked before. I sat down and thought about it a bit recently.

To me it's just like journaling. Taking a look at what makes Juli tick, shining a light on the dark spaces instead of hiding them away, pretending they don't exist or will somehow disappear; highlighting and reminding myself of the goodness as well. It's a record for my daughter Lily of what her mother is actually like, her struggles, her triumphs, her craziness, her stability.

And if just one person is touched or somehow comforted or inspired by my words, then my blogging is a success!!

"Here is my soul. It's all I've got. It might not be much but it keeps me together."~Puddle of Mudd

Presence

2010-07-05T13:33:00.000-06:00

"Can we make what lies ahead of us a better place to be?"~Sarah McLachlan

Yes, by being in the present moment, fully, deeply, soulfully, uninhibited.

"Independence" Day

2010-07-04T15:41:00.000-06:00

I had a serious meltdown last week...my mom was visiting, helping me out with my daughter so I could get work done, exercise for my sanity, and be prepared for my yoga teacher training test-out. She's an incredible woman. She loves me with no strings attached. No, not all moms possess this quality! So thankfully she rubbed my shoulders as I screamed and cried and threw my tantrum. I'm sure it took her back, well, a gazillion years to my youth.

See, I'm a totally independent woman now. I'm a single mom, I found my own place to live, moved all my belongings, work 3 jobs, bought a new car, fix minor repairs, etc., etc. Last week my otherwise reliable car didn't start twice, I'm working double-time and have been in teacher training for 8 weeks, waking at all hours of the night and early morning teaching classes!! See, I was used to relying on another human being to help me through this sort of stuff. I had been for 11 years. Gone...Done...Over...Step up, Juli. And step up I have. But without an occasional tantrum (I also threw my car keys while in my car and have a nice spider crack in my windshield! Sweet!), how would I still convince myself I'm human? How would I continue to move forward? Simply put: I WOULDN'T.

I'm proud of myself. My daughter, my mom, and all my friends, male and female, are proud of me...and love me despite my occasional blowup! Wow, I think I CAN do this!

"I recently ran across a story about a Native American tribal leader describing his own inner struggles. He said, 'There are two dogs inside me. One of the dogs is mean and evil. The other dog is good. The mean dog fights the good dog all the time.' Someone asked him which dog usually wins. After a moment's reflection, he answered, 'The one I feed the most.'~Rabbi Harold S. Kushner

What an honor...I am a yoga teacher!

2010-07-04T12:09:00.000-06:00

I first seriously came to practice yoga to heal; heal my wounds from a marriage ending; heal my broken heart; silence my chita vritis, or monkey mind; discover my inner beauty. I've fallen in love with my yoga practice, the ancient history behind yoga, the way my body feels (balanced and strong), the yoga sutras, the chakras, the vulnerability, my sangha, or yoga community, and the list goes on. I've been a teacher in the form of a coach and private trainer for years. Therefore the hunger in me to share the gift of yoga and discovery with others was only natural. As I feel my love of self growing and blossoming, I can freely demonstrate love to my students, basking in their yoga glow.

In a previous post I mentioned being present at the unfolding of my future students' discovery of their true, divine self. I can't imagine a more pure, profound gift to give this world. It's my own small part in the beautification of this wounded universe of souls.

"Every blade of grass has its angel that bends over it and whispers, 'Grow! Grow!'"~The Talmud

Teachers

2010-06-25T08:12:00.000-06:00

Everyone and everything is our teacher, from the duck on the creek that I blogged about previously, to the driver that cut me off then proceeded to stop his car and scream at me, to my beautiful 7-year-old daughter, Lily, to my Maine Coon, Callie. Yes, there are ample opportunities for lessons, but if we're not aware, not present they are missed. They become one more overlooked opportunity for growth as we rush through life.

One of my teachers, Valerie, said her teacher's teacher said when something appears in our lives to just say "that's interesting," instead of labeling it bad, good, whatever. Ponder it, consider it instead of judging it and then say, what am I supposed to learn from this? There's usually a hidden gem that, with patience, will reveal itself.

yogassage

2010-06-24T07:44:00.000-06:00

Yeah, I had no idea what that means and what I was in for before last night's class. Once again, it had everything to do with trust, vulnerability, and touch, all of which I've been spending the last year rebuilding. When your trust in someone is shattered, when you feel betrayed, it's all too easy to start constructing the walls, donning the armor, all the other ways we protect ourselves from feeling the pain again, sometimes unconsciously.

Yogassage is a way of helping, gently, tenderly, another yogi arrive into a posture. It's a massage to the shoulders to remind them to drop them away from the ears, pressure up and down the spine to help lengthen, opening the rib cage in supine twist to deepen it, and massaging and opening in final savasana to assist in pure relaxation and surrender. Then the most amazing posture of all: cradling my partner, Laura, in my arms and rocking her, as she did to me when we switched. When is the last time you felt that? As an infant (which I'm sure none of us remember) or a small child. We both cried! It felt amazing to have this pure, innocent, loving gesture. We all need and deserve TLC, especially as adults!

I tell myself every day, countless times a day, that I am so blessed. This teacher training has opened up my eyes and my heart to so many incredible experiences. My heart overflows with gratitude.

Virabhadrasana I ~ Warrior I

2010-06-22T14:30:00.000-06:00

Virabhadrasana I, or Warrior I, is one of my favorite poses. I feel strong, yet challenged. When the palms are not touching, I'm expressing extreme gratitude. Virabhadra is the name of the warrior who is an incarnation of Shiva.

Let's take a look at the pose's metaphorical meaning—as is nearly always the case when considering Indian mythical lore. "The yogi is really a warrior against his own ignorance," Richard Rosen says. "I speculate that Virabhadrasana I is about rising up out of your own limitations."

Tim Miller, director of San Diego's Ashtanga Yoga Center, agrees. "Virabhadrasana's a humbling posture," he says. "If you attempt to stay in it for any length of time, you'll confront your own bodily, emotional, or mental weaknesses. Whatever limitations you have, the pose will reveal them so that they can be addressed." It's about triumph of the spirit!

It's okay to be neurotic

2010-06-21T20:50:00.000-06:00

Sometimes we can be so hard on ourselves, our own judge and jury, myself included. If we lose our tempers, yell at our children, swear at another driver and flip them off (I just had to include that for a friend of mine!), we think we're bad, a bad parent, a rotten spouse, friend, fill in the blank. I had a conversation with my friend Max tonight, wherein he reminded me that it's okay to be neurotic. We slip in and out of neuroses, and it's perfectly natural. Here are some words to describe neurotic!:
anxiety, sadness or depression, anger, irritability, mental confusion, low sense of self-worth, etc., behavioral symptoms such as phobic avoidance, vigilance, impulsive and compulsive acts, lethargy, etc., cognitive problems such as unpleasant or disturbing thoughts, repetition of thoughts and obsession, habitual fantasizing, negativity and cynicism, etc. Interpersonally, neurosis involves dependency, aggressiveness, perfectionism.

Boy, haven't we all experienced one (or more than one!) of these before, if not multiple times, in our lives? Guess what? It's OKAY...We're human. We're in tune enough to not get stuck. We let the feelings engulf us and then move on. We don't convince ourselves that nothing is more important than the stuck place we find ourselves in (our neuroses!)

Now open your arms wide, then wrap them around to the back of your shoulder blades and squeeze tightly. Give yourself a loving hug and be grateful for your neuroses, every damn one of them.

Gratitude...for EVERYTHING

2010-06-19T11:22:00.000-06:00

I've had the most amazing week of yoga and running. I'm so in tune on the mat, on the trail to my body, my breath, my being. How did this happen? Openness!! I made the choice, I made the decision. I claimed my power. I'm learning not to let that fucking ego take over and try to convince me those "stories" are true, my "baggage" is heavy. One of my favorite tattoo covered (beautiful soul) yoga instructors, Stephen, starts class by saying, "You are an amazing human being. You deserve happiness." I finally honestly believe him.

"With arms wide open under the sunlight"~Creed~ I'm expressing my gratitude with my arms and heart wide open under the stellar Colorado sunlight.

Gettin' upside down (and those tricky arm balances)

2010-06-18T07:03:00.000-06:00

Wednesday night was filled with more group practice teaching, (we test out in 2 weeks! I will be a certified yoga teacher in 2 weeks! A dream come true, thanks to you, my generous friends)then playtime with Matt, a mini workshop in inversions and arm balances. As you all know, strength (both mentally and physically) has rarely been a quality that I lack. Fear, on the other hand, is another story.

I've been working on overcoming my fear of being upside down. Well, actually, getting upside down. Will I fall over? Hurt myself? Land on someone and hurt them? The king of asanas, the headstand or sirsasana, is one of the most powerfully beneficial postures for both body and mind. It is largely a matter of conquering your fears and believing you can do it. B.K.S. Iyengar says in his section on sirsasana in Light on Yoga, "The best way to overcome fear is to face with equanimity the situation of which one is afraid."

Wednesday night, I put my head between my hands, lifted my feet off the floor, and was in a headstand before I even had time to think about it! It was so frickin' easy! Handstand is another story...still working on that one. But my fears surrounding handstand have lessened now as well. Masaru Emoto said, "When your heart is open to possibilities, you start to notice small things that can lead to enourmous discoveries." "What we imagine in our mind becomes our world."

If we approach life (and inversions and arm balances) with playfulness and an open heart, with no attachment to the outcome, imagine the possibilities! Sat Nam

Green Tara

2010-06-15T15:15:00.000-06:00

I have this picture of Green Tara hanging on my wall in my home. Goddess Tara is a female Buddha (although she originated in Hinduism) and meditational deity. She is considered to be the goddess of universal compassion who represents virtuous and enlightened activity.

She is believed to help her followers overcome dangers, fears and anxieties, and she is especially worshipped for her ability to overcome the most difficult of situations. Green Tara is intensely compassionate and acts quickly to help those who call upon her.

One legend of Tara is that she was born from the compassionate tears of Avalokiteshvara, the Buddha of compassion.

She is a constant reminder to me to act compassionately, with unconditional love. And of course she holds my favorite flower, the lotus, in her hands.

Breeze

2010-06-14T17:46:00.000-06:00

One of my fellow yoga teacher trainers heard this line in a song called Breeze. How appropriate for the path of service ahead:

This recording is by Xavier Rudd with Izintaba and it's called Koonyum Sun. The song is called Breeze.

"You will breeze in, fresh air that you are, and they will inhale you deep into their lungs. They will exhale you as far as you will go, and you will touch their souls."

I will savor these words...

Sanskrit, the ancient language of yoga

2010-06-14T13:09:00.000-06:00

Yesterday we had the pleasure of a Sanskrit workshop with Dr. Ktyayani Poole. She's been studying this beautiful vibrational language for 20 years. See, with Sanskrit, the healing power is in the vibration that is emitted when the words are spoken. What we think is solid is actually waves of vibration, sound. At the base of everything there are only vibrating strings, which produce energy and remove obstacles. Just like my favorite Hindu God, Lord Ganesh, the remover of obstacles. There is a line of energy in the body that matches the way we move into a posture! Therefore, saying the name of a pose in Sanskrit sends a current of energy through your body, matching the way we move into a pose. Amazing!

A little bit about chanting mantras (which I do DAILY). Mantra means to expand the mind. The mind is not separate from the body. Breath follows the mind/body follows the breath. The goal of this is to not be a slave to the judgmental mind, end the "turning of the mind," like a wheel, and to get a glimpse of your true, beautiful, divine self, without judgment or color. And yoga is an education in watching the mind.

Is it so miraculous how this all ties together? I'm so happy to be able to share this knowledge with my friends. This is just the tip of the iceberg for me. I plan to further my education as I continue down this path. Om shanti shanti peace namaste

Touch...Trust...Surrender...Bliss

2010-06-14T12:51:00.000-06:00

Last Wednesday night we had 3 hours of partner yoga, which changed my life, opened my heart, deepened my faith and trust in the human spirit. All five senses were awakened. I saw with my heart rather than my eyes. I was able to observe another (therefore myself) with my whole being.

This was an incredibly intimate experience for me (and my partner, Daria, a lovely woman that's in teacher training with me). We stood a foot apart and stared into each other's eyes, no looking away, seeing the depth of the beautiful soul just a foot in front of us. Then we touched palms, closed our eyes, and experienced the gift of just touch, the energy that the other was emitting. Then we moved into poses, back to back, hip to hip, butt to butt, "flying," totally trusting the other would and could support us. Then a back to back meditation. I could feel her heartbeat, feel her breathing. My mind did not wander. It was empty...Samadhi! (meaning free from thoughts) I had truly surrendered. I was at peace.

The power of touch has the ability to change all of us. Touch is good! Touch is a natural act. We exude compassion with every touch.

"When we surrender what we are not, we come into balance with what we are."~a Core Power Teacher Trainee

A trip to the cadaver lab!

2010-06-06T17:53:00.000-06:00

As part of teacher training, we take a trip to a cadaver lab. What do those bones, muscles, tendons, ligaments, organs, etc., involved in our asanas ACTUALLY look like? I've had weeks to ponder what my reaction might be upon seeing a cadaver, smelling the lab, touching the various parts. I truthfully felt open-minded and open-hearted. No expectations, just anticipation. I have always had a fascination with the human body. I've been a private trainer, a coach, and an accomplished athlete. I marvel at this incredible structure we call home. I've judged people that don't respect and take care of their bodies. I've asked so much of my body, and it has just kept giving, luckily with no injuries.

I drove three other ladies from class down to the lab; some were nervous, scared, some just like me, no expectations. We laughed and joked and shared on the ride as well, most likely to loosen up!

We were greeted by Todd Garcia, the owner of the lab. I felt the gentleness of this man's soul as soon as we made eye contact. He gives all the cadavers names. They're not just a number to him. He calls "dying" their "transition." He treated these bodies with the utmost respect and pleaded with us to do the same. Keikie, one of my classmates and friends, said, what would it be like to be a master at your trade, like this gentleman sincerely was.

He then proceeded to slowly, gently, pull one bone at a time out of the large metal box...everything wrapped in plastic and towels. We started with a knee cap! No whipping the sheet off the body to expose the entire cadaver, which most likely would have caused a few in the room to faint. We started with the lower extremities and moved upward. We wore rubber gloves and were allowed to touched and move every bone and joint. Amazing!

Then came the entire body, skin, muscles, organs, totally dissected. It takes 1000 hours to prepare one body. The work is meticulous, slow, honorable. Once again, we saw and touched every muscle and organ in the body. I won't go into detail, but the human body is mind blowing. All the intricate parts that have their place, yet they work together in such synchronicity.

All of us realized the ridiculousness of placing such emphasis on outer beauty. On the inside, friends, we all look the same, once the skin is peeled away. We are all truly beautiful, magnificent, perfect.

What a gift I was given to be able to visit a cadaver lab. I thanked Todd, our host, and Francis, Matthew, Michael, and Vincent for donating their bodies so that other may have this incredible opportunity to learn.

"If anything is sacred, the human body is sacred.”~Walt Whitman

To lead forth or draw out

2010-06-06T08:23:00.000-06:00

The Latin term for educate is educere, meaning to lead forth or draw out. Being a yoga teacher means, then, to help my students discover what's already inside themselves...the beauty, the perfection, the divinity. These qualities have been layered over by years of stories, painful experiences, role playing.

I have my favorite teachers, not because of the music they play, how hard their class is, but by how they challenge me to look at my life! I appreciate that quality in my teachers and aspire to play that role in the lives of my future students.

What role can I play in the newly discovered self that walks off the mat???

Week 2/3

2010-05-27T15:51:00.000-06:00

This past weekend we broke down the balancing series, Eagle (Garudasana), Dancer (Natarajasana), and Tree (Vrksasana), three things of beauty, strength, and grace. I see the correlations here to our lives, the balance, the strength combined with grace. That's what yoga does. It helps one start seeing. And I don't mean looking. I mean really seeing, genuinely experiencing, and being totally in the presence of magnificence. And then remembering to express profound gratitude.

Then came more fascinating anatomy last night and answering 1 of 4 journal questions. I decided to go with what change in myself do I want to make or am I currently making. Here's my answer: Acceptance, letting go of control, and trusting in the Universe's plan for me.

As you all know, I'm going through a divorce. Within the last 4-5 months, I have finally and honestly let go of the situation and have seen there is a plan for me. I am not in charge of the "how" it all plays out. Everything has truly grown from here, this starting point. I find myself able to do this in so many other aspects of my life; new relationships, existing relationships, the scary and unknown parts of my future. What a frickin' relief!! I'm letting go of the results and embracing the process. And when I let go, I make space for something better!

The Buddha said spiritual practice is like a boat we use to cross the river of suffering. When we get to the other side, we must be willing to get out of the boat. I got out of the boat. Peace and love to you.

The Wondrous Human Body

2010-05-21T08:43:00.000-06:00

"The body is your temple. Keep it pure and clean for the soul to reside in." ~B.K.S. Iyengar

Continuing on the yoga journey, we could not be teachers of a practice involving movement with grace without a study of anatomy, the physical makeup of the body. "Learning the relationship of the systems of the body helps us understand the body more intimately and opens our minds to the magnificent interplay of our physical being." ~David Abookire (our fantastically intelligent anatomy lecturer!)

I'm told our goal as teachers becomes efficency of movement, almost effortless movement. When our bodies work too hard, we fight ourselves, and we're no longer doing yoga. Yoga is the road home to a better understanding...of our bodies, ourselves, our minds.

Our anatomy lessons are sparking a renewed wonder, amazement, and respect for these beautiful temples where we house our souls.

The Four "E"s

2010-05-18T14:05:00.000-06:00

My first week of yoga teacher training is behind me. Here's the four Es: Excitement, education, envelopment, EXHAUSTION! I have taken too numerous to count yoga classes, but memorizing Suryanamaskar A and B (just the first two series!), all the poses, the breath, and three cues for each pose, I find mentally exhausting! This is not a complaint! I love it. It's humbling. I'm kicking that sneaky ego in the pants, proclaiming, I'm perfect right where I am! I also willingly admit to LOVING practicing yoga three times on the weekend. The group of students is lovely, caring, gentle. I'm in good hands.

"Tell me and I'll forget. Show me and I'll remember. Involve me and I'll understand." ~Confucius

On becoming a "student" again

2010-05-13T08:39:00.000-06:00

I put student in quotes because we are all students, every minute of every day, as there are myriad lessons to be learned if we'd only open our minds to the humbling notion that we don't know everything!

At my first yoga teacher training class last night, we (all 26 of us!) were asked to follow a few simple "rules" for success. I think these "rules" are universal and, simply put, the keys to a happy, bountiful life. They basically have to do with not judging others, self, not competing, showing respect, committing, communicating. Looks pretty easy on paper, doesn't it?

We were asked to let go of our (attachment to!!)expectations, remember that a teacher exists in every experience, be humble, to take what works and leave the rest...and finally, what we decide to give is what we ultimately get back.

So if you decide to be brave, step out of your comfort box, and follow me on my journey, take what works for you and leave the rest. Don't judge me. Just send me unconditional love and support. I promise, it will come back to you. Peace!

The door is cracked...rays of light stream through

2010-05-12T09:13:00.000-06:00

Tonight I start on an (expectantly) amazing journey into yoga, my yoga, which will become your yoga. As I get older and wiser, there's a yearning to serve. I could have taken no other path. I see that now, clearly.

I wrote this quote on my FB page this morning: "When one door of happiness closes, another opens; but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one which has been opened for us."~ Helen Keller

The door to magic and mystery has been opened for me. I just need walk through it with an open heart and mind...starting this evening. I have no fear!

I am honored to share this journey with my friends, the ones that made this all possible. So check back here when and if you feel inspired to follow along on my magnificent journey.

Om Shanti Shanti Shanti (peace) Namaste

Spring

2010-03-17T20:11:00.000-06:00

The seeds were planted...who knows when...who knows why. That's not for me to mess with or second-guess. I just know that now the beautiful, strong shoots are appearing out of the darkness(the soil). I was meant to have a better life, a magnificent, glorious life, one I never would have had before the seeds were planted...The Universe is honorable.

From Striving to Arriving

2010-02-01T19:13:00.000-07:00

To go with the drift of things
To yield with a grace to reason
To bow and accept the end
Of a love or of a season ~ Robert Frost

I know that my wholeness comes from within

Is Anger Healthy or Unhealthy?

2010-01-31T19:52:00.000-07:00

I have been wrestling with this question lately. Yes, that's where I am right now in the process of my healing. Everyone keeps cautioning me that I'm too nice...let the anger run its course...don't supress the anger...

So, I did a little research. Here's some words I found meaningful:

As I mentioned in a previous post, anger has its roots in fear. When expressing it, many are covering up the deeper rooted emotion of fear. But we have to look inside, a scary thing, to figure out what we are afraid of.

Here's a positive spin. Anger can be an excellent way to eliminate stress, get hidden agendas out in the open, vent feelings of discouragement, pain, grief or just old-fashioned frustration. Holding back on these causes stress and too numerous to mention emotional and physical ailments. The flip-side to this issue is the damage caused in the heat of the moment, words we cannot take back, pain we've caused another. Be aware that sometimes these words are a direct reflection of our own unresolved stuff!

One other aspect of anger, or any emotion that we need to get into the open, is that when we are angry we are actually giving power over our own emotions to someone or something else. Yikes! Not very liberating!

So, I go back to the breath. We all can feel anger building. Notice it, don't judge it, breathe, acknowledge it.

Journal about it. Write a letter that you never intend to send. Call a friend. Get back to nature. Throw glass at the recycle center. But don't supress it and pretend it's not real. Start asking yourself some pretty deep questions. Tune in. You're beautiful just the way you are!

From Conversations With God by Neale Donald Walsch

2010-01-28T21:07:00.001-07:00

"You are in the process of experiencing yourself by creating yourself anew in every single moment. Life will take off for you, then, when you choose for it to...All you see in your world is the outcome of your idea about it."

Smile! Laughter! Fun!

2010-01-27T20:41:00.000-07:00

Here's a fact that EVERYONE should know: It takes 12 facial muscles to smile and 11 to frown. Despite the fact that smiling uses more muscles, it takes less effort than frowning; people tend to smile more frequently, so the relevant muscles are in better shape!

A smile and laughter just make your day sparkle, don't they? I'm trying to remind my students in cycle class to smile! Yes, I remind them, the hard work is uncomfortable, but aren't we here on this planet to have fun? Doesn't it feel good to sweat, get fit, see progress? Isn't that fun? You know, I quit racing triathlon last year because I just wasn't having fun anymore. I was too serious (ego), too regimented, too forced.

Smile at at least 3 people tomorrow, not including yourself! Really, don't take yourself so seriously...nobody else does!

“When you have a rainbow deep down in your heart, your smile will shine bright."~unknown

Yoga and Meditation

2010-01-26T14:24:00.000-07:00

Yoga has changed my life; well, actually, I have changed my life through what I have learned by doing yoga and meditation. I am forever grateful to the amazing teachers that have impacted my life: Tunde, Stephen, Trista, Valerie, and of course Richii Jai.

I am reciting from Yoga: Discipline of Freedom, The Yoga Sutra Attributed to Patanjali Translated by Barbara Stoler Miller. "At the heart of all meditative practice in Asia is what Indians call yoga, the system that 'yokes' one's consciousness to a spiritually liberating discipline. In his Yoga Sutra the ancient Indian philosopher Patanjali presents us with the possiblity of complete psychological transformation through the discipline of yoga." RIGHT ON, Patanjali!!! I am a living, breathing example of this transformation! Of course that transformation is still a work-in-progress, but I can't imagine where I would be in my life right now, at this very beautiful, precious moment without my yoga practice and teachers. (they remind me always, it's yoga PRACTICE, not yoga PERFECT...metaphor for life???)

Friendship

2010-01-24T21:04:00.000-07:00

I had four of my dearest friends over to my new home for dinner last night, in appreciation for the amazing women that they are and all that they have done for me and Lily in the last 9 months. And I plan to do it more often. I have so many wonderful friends, I could have filled a house 4 times the size of my small, quaint apartment. I thank God every day for this blessing.

These four women light up the room when they enter. They give of themselves without asking for anything in return. They listen, truly listen, and offer advice when appropriate. They lead busy lives, raising children, earning a living, and still finding the time to be amazing friends to those they love. I've realized over the last several months how important it is to nurture friendships. I've learned so much from all the strong, yet soft, compassionate women in my life.

Did you know if you lay on your back and place one hand on your belly and one on your heart you're tapping into the third and fourth chakras, balancing strength (belly) and compassion (heart)? Yin/Yang, my friends. As women, we need to find that balance.

"A friend gives hope when life is low. A friend is a place when you have nowhere to go. A friend is honest. A friend is true. A friend is precious, and that, my friend, is you."

Change=Growth...Growth=Change

2010-01-22T16:51:00.000-07:00

One of my favorite yoga instructors wrote that on her FB page recently. It really got me thinking about the meaning of those two words used interchangeably in such a fashion.

I've written before that the only constant is change...the seasons change, our faces change as we look in the mirror, our moods change, our relationships change, our children change. You get the picture. As we honestly look at the changes occurring or that have occurred in our lives, haven't we grown in some way, shape or form? Even if the change is/was painful, didn't we learn something about ourselves, our habits, our weaknesses, our strengths?

And as we grew through these challenges and lessons, didn't we change? Aren't we different, even in some small way? Aren't we more loving, compassionate, patient, accepting, wiser?

"There came a time when the risk to remain tight in the bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom"~ Anais Nin

Practice stillness, simplicity and contentment

2009-12-30T17:30:00.000-07:00

Stillness: quiet the monkey mind; be in the present moment; learn to relax, breathe, and meditate.

Simplicity: stop grasping, pursuing, buying, creating turmoil and stress.

Contentment: happiness in our own skin, happy to be in the moment, grateful for our gifts.

Fantastic thoughts, virtues for the new year! Happy 2010!

The Future

2009-12-28T07:42:00.000-07:00

I talk regularly about being in the present moment, the here, the now...that's all there really is. Yesterday is gone and tomorrow does not yet exist. But what about hopes, dreams and faith for the future? What kind of future do I hope to have?

My own inner dialogue creates my future! What I tell myself about my worth and value creates my future. Do I hope for a future that's peaceful, abundant, stable, joyful? Then I better tell myself every day, right here, in the now, that that's what my life ALREADY looks like. Sometimes that's easier said than done. But I won't beat myself up about old thought patterns creeping in. I will acknowledge those thoughts and send them on their way, only to be replaced by what I know is possible, what I know is the truth.

Namaste...

Impermanence

2009-12-26T18:20:00.000-07:00

"Nothing remains the same for two consecutive moments. With impermanence, every door is open for change" ~ Thich Nhat Hanh

The only constant is change. Everything changes; nothing is permanent. And our need for attachment to things, people, and situations will only cause suffering and "stuckness." Suffering takes away from our greatness, from our purpose, and it is optional!

Behind our attachment to the known, to permanance is fear; fear of the unknown, fear that we can't do it ourselves, fear that we're not good enough...fill in the blanks.

"If you look deeply into impermanence, you will do your best to make her happy right now. Aware of impermanence, you become positive, loving and wise." ~ Thich Nhat Hanh

Stop focusing on the problem!

2009-12-13T17:53:00.000-07:00

"The realization that something is not as you want it to be is an important first step, but once you have identified that, the faster you are able to turn your attention in the direction of a solution, the better, because a continuing exploration of the problem will prevent you from finding the solution"~Abraham

Um, hello! Can you say how long is it going to take me to get this through my head? Sometimes it's just too easy to focus on the problem, why is this happening? Why now? Why me? But I find that I make assumptions and just feel worse. But what if I focused on solutions and moving forward? I find myself slowly learning how to change my focus from the problem and trying to make sense of it (where there just isn't any) to focusing on a solution, an acceptance. What a relief, if only temporarily, but it shows me that there is hope, there is light at the end of the tunnel, I do feel better, and things, good things, start appearing in my life.

What's the connection between the challenges I face in life and the spiritual lessons I need to learn?~Surya Lama Das

Broken Heart

2009-12-11T20:32:00.000-07:00

People may say no one ever died of a broken heart, but when you're suffering from one, it sure doesn't feel that way--at least initially. I keep telling myself to breathe, just breathe. I keep telling myself to think of the things I've learned...about myself and God, The Universe, and others. I keep telling myself the pain will go away...eventually. I keep reminding myself that I can't hold on to anything in this life with such force. I'm blessed to have loved and learn to let go, peacefully, gracefully.

I wonder, truly, what my heart looks like in there...

Yoga...off the mat

2009-12-09T20:17:00.000-07:00

I've consciously been trying to live my life like I live my yoga; centered, present, focused, nonjudgmental, forgiving, free, peaceful, compassionate, non-resistant. This is challenging to say the least. But I am reminded of the benefits every single time I step into the yoga studio and onto my mat. I'm reminded of the complete and utter acceptance of self, others, and life! Why do I have to make it so hard once I'm back in my car, in traffic, on the ice, faced with a challenging person, situation, etc.? If I just remind myself to slow down, breathe, have a sense of humor, lighten up, and just enjoy the present moment, it's pure magic that unfolds.

Bountiful am I...Blissful am I...Beautiful am I.

Will I choose faith or hopelessness?

2009-12-06T15:51:00.000-07:00

Okay, I keep thinking I will wake up from this crazy dream, and all that has happened in my life in the last 8 months never really happened! So let's review:

My husband of 11 years decided he wanted a divorce; I moved to a beautiful mountain home owned by a bullying ex-lieutenant colonel; and just this Friday I smashed my car into a tree with my 6-year-old in the backseat. What the fuck? Has this been challenging or what?

So I can choose to have faith in the universal laws or I can throw up my hands and say, I give up! I'm hopeless, my life is hopeless, life sucks! I truly believe there are lessons here to be learned. We can't run from our challenges. Facing them head on, there's always a lesson, there's always growth, there's always wisdom, there's always an opportunity to share with others what we've learned. I have had to buck up and tackle these challenges on my own, thus becoming stronger, more compassionate, more present, wiser! I've set an amazing example for my daughter of all these traits. She's proud of her mommy, and that's reward enough for me.

"Out of the mud the lovely lotus blossoms; out of the trials something higher vies" ~Raymond Ng

The Holidays!

2009-12-05T17:13:00.001-07:00

Here we are, in the thick of it! If you think you've been on an emotional rollercoaster so far, sit down, buckle up, and hang on! The ride is just starting! The holidays bring out all the emotions: happiness, sadness, melancholy, loneliness, fondness, joy, sorrow. Embrace each and every emotion at the moment it arises. Don't supress, don't ignore it, don't beat yourself up for feeling it! Feel it, embrace it, don't judge it, and move through it! There is peace and harmony on the other side. I promise.

Our Unity assistant minister, Syntysche, whom I chat with now and again, gave me good advice when I need to let off some steam! Gather up all your glass recycleables, head out to the recycle center in your town, and just start chucking the bottles into the recycle bin. (wear protective glasses)

AND DON'T FORGET TO YELL! Ahhh, now that's being real!

The Present Moment

2009-11-29T19:00:00.000-07:00

"People look upon the present moment as either marred by something that has happened and shouldn't have or as deficient because of something that has not happened but should have." ~Eckhart Tolle

THINK ABOUT IT! ROLL IT AROUND IN YOUR HEAD FOR A WHILE!

Ong Sohung

2009-11-25T16:18:00.000-07:00

In Sanskrit, ong sohung means "I am peace...peace is in me." Great mantra! Mantras are a fantastic way to keep your focus, quiet your mind, overcome that ego voice that tries to get you to believe "your story" is who you really are. Just repeat the mantra, over and over, either in Sanskrit or the English translation. Give it a try!

Simplify!

2009-11-24T19:40:00.000-07:00

In yoga class tonight, the instructor, Naomi, reminded us in this busy holiday time to think upon how we might simplify our lives. I'd like to just apply it to our everyday lives. Can we run one less errand? Make one less dish for Thanksgiving? Do one less workout? Buy one less "thing"? Is there a direct correlation between how much "stuff" we have in our lives and the amount of stress we carry with us?

Let's all take some time to think about (and write about!) what's really important in our lives. Can you move just a little slower? Do one less thing every day? Take time to meditate every day? Find that contentment from just being with ourselves instead of running to and fro?

"It is the sweet, simple things of life which are the real ones after all" ~Laura Ingalls Wilder

What others think about me is none of my business!

2009-11-22T14:12:00.000-07:00

How much time and energy do you give to worrying about what others think about you? How often do you speak half-truths because of fear of judgment by another? Or speak words just to please and gain appreciation and (what you perceive to be) love?

This once again comes down to our own thoughts about our self-worth. The person you need to please, respect, love, and appreciate first is yourself. Then you won't find yourself doing or saying things to please others. You ultimately won't give a shit about their thoughts, especially the negative ones! They become meaningless to your beautiful journey through a life well lived (and lived honestly).

"You see, you're giving others too much power as you even acknowledge how they make you feel. What you've got to decide is how I'M going to feel." ~Abraham

Complaining

2009-11-20T06:49:00.000-07:00

Are you aware that when you complain about something, you're focusing your attention on that, so more of that comes into your life? When we're angry or blaming, same thing! We're refusing to allow the good stuff into our life when we are so focused on what's wrong, what's missing, what's not fair.

If we can change our thoughts and thus our vibrational energy, the Universe will always yield...it must yield. It's called the Law of Attraction (www.abraham-hicks.com). If you don't believe me, go Google it and find out for yourself.

This ancient quote still holds true today: "Change your thoughts...change your life."

True Happiness

2009-11-18T20:41:00.000-07:00

Can we find true happiness within or is it only available externally? Have we so conditioned our minds to seek happiness outside ourselves or conditionally? Okay, I'm happy if all is well and going my way and people are acting the way I expect them to act? And when times get tough, we're faced with challenges and challenging people, life just sucks and we make those around us suffer with us?

When will be wake up from the illusion? When will we realize that we already are everything we ever desired; we already possess the tools to create blissfully perfect happiness? RIGHT NOW! DON'T WAIT! You already are it all...you already have it all!

"We think what we choose and we are what we think!" ~Wayne Dyer

On Being Present

2009-11-13T11:39:00.001-07:00

Can you be present, in the moment, without judgment, critique, a story line? In the NOW without projecting, regretting, wishing, wanting?

Try sitting down quietly with your thoughts and just letting them pass by, like clouds across a clear blue sky. Just notice them. Don't judge them or fight them. Just notice them. Take 5 minutes to start. The process gets easier and easier. You'll feel freer and freer (from the bondage of your mind, the self-imposed prison walls).

When we are in the present moment, nothing else exists. How can it? This, my friends, is who you really are: peace, contentment, awareness, oneness with all that is.

I am not my body

2009-11-11T18:54:00.000-07:00

I am also not my thoughts about my body, my life, my looks, my flaws, my beauty, my relationships, my...just fill in the blank. Right now, I am the noticer of my body, life, looks, flaws, beauty, relationships, and I look upon these things with compassion and loving kindness. These thoughts may play over and over in my head, but are they the real me? Are they what defines me? Am I just so darn attached to my story that I don't know who I am without it?

I said in a previous post, these thoughts may reside in our heads, but we don't have to believe them. We can close the old storybook, burn it, and begin anew. No more stories (i.e., baggage!). We are magnificent, we are divine, we are perfect!

Help me see beauty in and all around me!

Will I Resist or Will I Yield?

2009-11-10T18:28:00.000-07:00

When a loss or profound change occurs in our lives, we are faced with two choices: to resist or to yield. We can become angry, bitter, resentful or we can become wise, compassionate, and open-hearted. To yield really just means to accept, embrace, therefore opening up to the beautiful life that's in store for us in the future and embrace the lessons before us. When we resist, we are closed, shut down to life and its many lessons.

There's a certain peace that comes with yielding, surrendering. The Universe blesses us without us asking. People come into our lives that never would have had we been closed-hearted.

I keep RECEIVING amazing people, messages, and love, even at this incredibly challenging time in my life. I believe it's due to my ability to finally stop resisting and just yield, knowing that all will be well.

Things...

2009-11-09T19:34:00.000-07:00

"Many people don't realize until they are on their deathbed and everything external falls away that NO THING ever had anything to do with who they are." ~ Eckhart Tolle

The Mirror

2009-11-09T14:34:00.000-07:00

Wow, I have so much to report! It's been 2 days. On Saturday night I went to an event in Colorado Springs where my new friend, and quite the amazing woman, Diane Israel, talked and showed her short film "Beauty Mark" to 60 women!! Her film is about her battle with anorexia and exercise bullemia. Her message, in a really small nutshell, is about what she calls embodyment. Being happy with yourself and your body. Stop comparing, stop telling yourself you're fat, ugly, dumb, not good enough, on and on and on. We are the ones imposing our own limits. Get out of your own way! I sobbed through a good many portions of this film.

That morning I had gone to another of my favorite yoga instructor, Richi Jai's, class. We sat on the mat, closed our eyes, faced our palms up on our knees (this is the "receiving" mode; palms down to go deeper within), and he said "It's all about acceptance, which is pretty hard to do with a large mirror in front of you, but the image in the mirror is distorted. It's not the real you."

Within the past year I have done a complete 360. I have dropped the sport of triathlon from my life and absolutely have not looked back. I have done the soul-searching journey about why I was competing and if it really, truly, and honestly brought me joy. I hope to become a role model for others struggling with self-concept, identity, self-worth, healing. I look in the mirror and see a healthier, wiser, softer Juli

Eckhart Tolle says there's one short line on your tombstone between the year you were born and the year you die...how will you fill it?

Beautiful Colorado Morning

2009-11-07T08:24:00.000-07:00

Thank you, God, for this beautiful day!!

We Cannot Control the Actions of Others

2009-11-06T18:54:00.000-07:00

Come on, admit it...we all try to do it! And has it ever brought us peace or the results we were seeking? Has worrying and stressing about another's actions or possible actions ever served us well? Really ponder this one for a while. Do you know what control over the actions of others is called? POWER. Where does power reside? In the ego!

When we're controlling others, we’re not being loving or honest. And guess what? Controlling with "kindness" is still controlling! Living in this state just perpetuates more of these experiences! You know, we are all blessed with the grand journey called life. Don't we have enough of our own shit to work on in becoming loving, genuine, honest, open-hearted, nonjudgmental beings instead of wasting time trying to control others?

Live a blessed life!!! Om Shanti Shanti

"I cannot always control what goes on outside. But I can always control what goes on inside."~ Wayne Dyer

The divine light within me acknowledges and honors the divine light within you

2009-11-04T20:29:00.000-07:00

"I salute the light within your eyes where the whole universe dwells. For when you are at that center within you and I am at that place within me, we shall be one."
~ Chief Crazy Horse, Oglala Sioux, 1877

HAPPINESS

2009-11-04T14:17:00.001-07:00

"A happy life is just a string of happy moments. But most people don't allow the happy moment, because they're so busy trying to get a happy life."~Abraham

It doesn't get any easier than this, does it? You know what the secret to life is? It's so simple: LIVE IT! Stop pursuing, projecting into the future, worrying, planning, obsessing, blah, blah, blah.

Experience those happy moments one at a time, stay in the now, stay present...BE HAPPY!

Gratitude

2009-11-02T19:58:00.000-07:00

It's amazing the shift that occurs when you sit down and count your blessings! Even amidst pain and confusion, there is always some-thing, one thing we can be grateful for. I would be willing to bet we could all count our blessings on our fingers and our toes at any given moment in time! It's all about where we choose to focus our attention.

I sat and thought today that I'm grateful for my daughter Lily; for my nice, warm coat and scarf on a chilly day; for my health and (still amazing to me) fitness; for my eyesight with which to see the beautiful Colorado sky and mountains; for my AMAZING family and friends; for my belief in the goodness in all people; for money in my pocket for a cup of hazelnut coffee!

See how simple it is? Bet I made you smile!

"I murmured that I had no shoes, until I met a man who had no feet." ~Persian Proverb

Not knowing

2009-11-01T09:04:00.000-07:00

I'm practicing becoming at ease with the state of not knowing and just allowing the future to unfold as it is supposed to. Ekhart Tolle says with that arises a deeper knowing that is nonconceptual. So I'm making room, each day, for not knowing.

"Each day comes bearing its own gifts. Untie the ribbons!" ~Ruth Ann Schabaker

RIGHT NOW!

2009-10-31T20:57:00.000-06:00

"The content of your vibration equals how you feel right now. And whether you're thinking about the past, the present, or the future, how you feel right now -- as you think about the past, the present, or the future -- is your life. And it's a precious, fabulous, creative life that you are not wanting to squander in a place of resistance. Your life is right now" ~Abraham

We all vibrate! We can either vibrate at a high-energy frequency or a low-energy frequency. And you welcome more of that type of energy into your life, depending on which you choose.

So which do YOU choose? And, yes, it IS your choice. Choose wisely.

Peace...

Words to Live By

2009-10-30T20:55:00.000-06:00

Here are my words to live by as I go through this metamorphosis(defined as a profound change in form from one stage to the next): Surrender, faith, and trust.

Let's start with surrender: to relinquish control
Next is faith: confident belief or trust in the truth
And finally, trust: confident expectation of something; hope; to believe

I'm willing to surrender my hold on the past and my wanting things to be a certain way. I have faith that the Universe is honorable and that there is magnificence in my future. I trust that the pain of this process shall pass and I will become stronger, wiser, more compassionate, and alive.

"Fear knocked at the door. Faith answered. And lo, no one was there." ~Author Unknown

Snowstorm

2009-10-28T09:10:00.001-06:00

We woke up to a foot of snow that had fallen overnight, and it's still coming down. School was cancelled. The power went out! I was feeling the need to be close to friends (and not stuck on the mountain!), so Lily and I came to town to hang out at Sarah's house. Lily and her daughter Whitney are buddies. We have Littlest Pet Shop and tons of movies!

We took the situation we were faced with and made a decision to take care of ourselves. It's actually quite simple. Don't stall, don't second-guess, just think it through logically and make a decision and stick with it! With loving kindness and trust, all is well.

Remember, there are no mistakes, only lessons. Love yourself, trust your choices, and everything is possible. ~ Dr. Cherie Carter Scott

Yoga II

2009-10-27T20:31:00.000-06:00

I am blessed to live in Boulder where there are some amazingly gifted yoga instructors. My favorite is Trista. She opens her mouth and beauty and grace and wisdom just flows, unimpeded, honestly, freely. She is one of the most beautiful souls I have ever encountered. I took her noon class today, a cloudy, dark day in Boulder. I'm on a quest to do yoga 5 plus days a week for the next month. Here's a few noteworthy words of wisdom, a la Trista!

Meditation calls for RADICAL self-acceptance. Lay out all the demons, the ugliness, the insecurities, lay it all out there, folks. That negative talk may be in your head, but guess what? YOU DON'T HAVE TO BELIEVE IT!

May all beings find freedom from the roots of pain and grow tall from the roots of joy...sat nam, Trista

The Lotus Flower

2009-10-27T11:24:00.000-06:00

The beautiful flower from my post yesterday is the lotus. I love this flower for its spiritual symbolism:

Lotus flowers are amazing and have strong symbolic ties to many Asian religions especially throughout India. The lotus flower starts as a small flower down at the bottom of a pond in the mud and muck. It slowly grows up towards the water's surface continually moving towards the light. Once it comes to the surface, the lotus flower begins to blossom and turn into a beautiful flower.

People also grow and change into something more beautiful! So this symbol represents the struggle of life at its most basic form. The lotus flower is also symbolic for people who have gone through a hard time and are now coming out of it. Like the flower, they have been at the bottom, in the muddy, yucky dirty bottom of the pond but have risen above this to display an object of beauty or a life of beauty, as the case might be. Thus, the lotus flower also represents a hard time in life that has been overcome.

Om Mani Padme Hum!!!

Perfect Timing

2009-10-26T13:12:00.000-06:00

A friend just sent this to me: Your life purpose is on the other side of the biggest issue you are trying to heal. You must first go through the healing before you can truly access your sole purpose.

Mourning

2009-10-26T12:30:00.000-06:00

Yes, that's mourning, not morning! I truly am feeling the emotions that come with mourning now. Mourning the death of an 11-year relationship. I'm feeling it all: hurt, anger, sorrow, betrayal, confusion, and more. I plopped to the curb outside my car and sobbed uncontrollably. I called my amazing friend Sarah, who of course told me to come right over. She held me, she made me tea, she was my sister, my friend when I felt so all alone. She reminded me she's not worried about me! She knows the beautiful goddess strength, love, and wisdom I possess but sometimes forget because I'm too busy RESISTING. Did you know that when we resist our experience, resist the present moment, resist our life's unfolding that equals STRESS? We must somehow accept the present moment. That does not mean we cannot change our lives. It allows us to see CLEARLY what NEEDS to be changed. And it's a journey. But a journey to the experiences that we desire.

"When you realize there is nothing lacking, the whole world belongs to you." - Lao Tzu

Make the Best of it!

2009-10-23T16:25:00.000-06:00

Make the best of it. When you make the best of whatever you're focused upon, your future will be better than your now. If each moment you're making the best of what is, no matter what it is, you make the best of it; make the best of it; make the best of it. Your future just gets better and better and better and better. Abraham-Hicks, Boulder, CO 2003

Sometimes that's easier said than done, I admit. In yoga today, one of my favorite teachers, Stephen, asked us to become the noticer; just notice what our minds and bodies were telling us. Don't judge, scold, fight; just notice. He asked us to become soft in our strength, not to be rigid in a pose; make the best of where we are, in this moment. My favorite line is, It's yoga practice, not yoga perfect. This applies to life, period! Namaste!

TEARS

2009-10-22T07:39:00.000-06:00

Tears well up in my eyes.
They're warm on my cheeks.
They burn my already bloodshot eyes.
I try to conceal them (this time).
Lily's in the back seat.
Mommy, are you crying?
No...Yes.
Mommy, why are you crying?
Shit, now she's crying.
I don't know. Sometimes I just cry...and I don't know the reason.
Is that okay? Do you do that sometimes?
Yes.
I love you so much.
I love you too, mommy.

Face to Face, Eye to Eye, Hand to Hand, Heart to Heart

2009-10-21T18:57:00.000-06:00

This is the way I prefer to communicate. With all the latest technology, we've lost touch with each other. We text, email, make phone calls, but don't spend much time in the presence of others, communicating face to face. There is so much lost in the depth, passion, energy, and truth of communication in this fashion. Assumptions are made, misinterpretation runs rampant, truth is questioned.

Think back on some hurtful things you have said to someone you love or once loved (believe me, you always will love that person in some fashion!). If you had had open, honest, face to face, eye to eye, heart to heart communication from the start, do you think the hurtful, unkind words would still flow so freely? I doubt it! (stupidity has a price...you should show more care and wisdom next time)

~ The way we communicate with others and with ourselves ultimately determines the quality of our lives ~ Anthony Robbins

Sat Nam

Asato Ma

2009-10-20T16:36:00.001-06:00

Asato ma

Sat gamaya

Tamaso Maa Jyotir Gamaya

Mrityor Maa Amritham Gamaya

Lead me from the unreal to the real

Lead me from darkness to light

Lead me from death to immortality

Alignment of personality with the soul

2009-10-20T15:58:00.000-06:00

Wow, what a heavy thought. Is my personality in alignment with my soul? How would I know if it is? My emotions! I must be aware moment by moment of what I am feeling and the decisions I am making. Once again, awareness is the key here. Turning inward and exploring. Without awareness of our emotions, aren't we just drifting? Being thrown about by the waves of our experiences? Reacting based on past programming? Our emotions are our teachers, painful, blissful, angry, happy, you name it.

Next time you experience an emotion, feel it! Make note of where you feel it, how you are feeling (blissful, peaceful, restless), if you've felt it often, and begin to contemplate its message. Meditate, meditate, meditate!

Hands

2009-10-19T16:27:00.000-06:00

"My hands are small I know but they're not yours they are my own, but they're not yours they are my own, and I am never broken...In the end, only kindness matters...I will get down on my knees and I will pray..." Jewel

So as Jewel is singing about so symbollically (and beautifully), what I choose to do with my hands, my heart, my life is up to me. It's not contingent on anyone else, any circumstance or anything external to me! And, yes, kindness and grace will get you through anything life throws your way. Try it! And of course humbling yourself; getting down on your knees; getting vulnerable; asking the Universe for all your desires to be fulfilled. No matter how small we feel, they're OUR hands, and we can work miracles!

Om mani padme hum

Diwali: celebration of our inner light

2009-10-18T20:31:00.000-06:00

On Saturday night, I went to the Eldorado Canyon Yoga Ashram for an hour-long chant in celebration of Diwali, or Festival of Lights in India. Here is a brief explanation:

While Diwali is popularly known as the "festival of lights," the most significant spiritual meaning is "the awareness of the inner light." Central to Hindu philosophy is the assertion that there is something beyond the physical body and mind which is pure, infinite, and eternal, called the Atman. Just as we celebrate the birth of our physical being, Diwali is the celebration of this inner light, in particular the knowing of which outshines all darkness (removes all obstacles and dispels all ignorance), awakening the individual to one's true nature, not as the body, but as the unchanging, infinite, immanent and transcendent reality. With the realization of the Atman comes universal compassion, love, and the awareness of the oneness of all things (higher knowledge). This brings Ananda (inner joy or peace).

Isn't that beautiful? Isn't that worth celebrating? (and they do, in India, for FIVE DAYS!)

If you've never chanted or meditated, you're missing out on an amazingly powerful practice. Start out with 5 minutes a day even. Don't expect miracles, don't expect perfection, just be! Quiet your mind, light some candles, sit on a comfy cushion, listen to your breath or repeat a mantra that either has some meaning for you or just vibrates with the rhythm of your soul.

Let your light shine! You ARE beautiful! You ARE divine! You ARE perfection!

My Teacher: A Duck on the Boulder Creek!

2009-10-17T14:52:00.000-06:00

I decided to meditate on Friday down at the Boulder Creek, considering the glorious day we were blessed with. (and today is even better!!) Thank you, God! The creek is loaded with ducks right now, and I sat and watched one duck in particular. He kept hanging out in the current, right at the top of a small waterfall. All the other ducks were hanging out to the side of the current, just, well, hanging out. This guy was floating backwards, then struggling against the current to get back to where he started. He did this over and over and over. When he got back to his original starting point each time, he would flap his wings almost in aggravation!

I laughed at his folly, but then said, JuliBell, how are you any different? Who are you to laugh at this behavior when you emulate it yourself at times? What behavior am I talking about? Trying to change what is; fighting the fight; struggling; wishing things were different instead of just going with the flow, loving what is, accepting that the Universe is honorable.

Thank you, Duck! I've decided to name you Buddha!

Walking Through the Fire

2009-10-16T20:58:00.000-06:00

I had tea with one of my beautiful friends today, and she used the expression, "You have to walk through the fire," meaning feel the sadness, face the fear, experience the pain, mourne my loss, but not let it become my identity. Meaning, then MOVE ON! Duh! I mentioned this in a previous post, but it's so worth mentioning again (and again and again...). Obviously this takes time, and some days are easier than others. But I am positive that this too shall pass, and abundance and brillance await.

So many times incredible opportunities to learn, grow, and teach come our way, but we're so caught up in anger, grief, blame, or hate to realize the gift we've been given. Ask yourself, has this pattern served me well in the past? What glorious gifts have been placed at my feet, but I stepped right over them, never noticing?

Bloom Where you are Planted

2009-10-15T20:49:00.000-06:00

We're all right where we are supposed to be...we are simply perfect. Stop wanting to be somewhere else: hiding; escaping; pretending. We're so programmed to dwell either in the past or planning and worrying about the future. If pain is here, we want to be there.

Be gentle with yourself as you work through this blooming, blossoming, opening, growing path to beauty.

"Our purpose on this Earth is to grow. To grow spiritually is to bloom; it is to have the sweetness develop within you"...Rumi

RAW

2009-10-14T07:39:00.000-06:00

I feel as if someone punched me in the stomach...close to vomiting all the time.
An elephant is sitting on my chest, squeezing my heart so that it aches.
My mind races, imagines, guesses, assumes. It's hard to focus, meditate.
My yoga is my savior. It feels like home. That's the only place that does right now.

"We hold on to hope, and hope robs us of the present moment." pema chodron
Om mani padme hum

All of the Dharma is based on Buddha's discovery that suffering is unnecessary

Receiving

2009-10-12T11:13:00.000-06:00

Goodness, Lily and I flew out of the house this morning because I actually got some sleep between 4:56 and 6:45! I'm usually up writing, meditating, chanting well before 6:45. Yay, me! I got some much-needed sleep.

That's what got me thinking about receiving. I went to bed TELLING MYSELF I was going to sleep well. (need I say more?? Okay, I will, because I can't help myself) There's a book called Ask and It Is Given. It is one that I keep by my bedside. I can flip to any page in there and know what I need to do: Trust the process. It will always become clear what it is I am supposed to learn, what it is I am supposed to teach, how it is I am supposed to grow. Who am I to get in the way of the Universe's grander plan for me?

TRUST, TRUST, TRUST. I know, we've all had people in our lives that have broken that trust and we think we can never trust again. I say BOO to that. That's just the ego trying to hold you back and keep you stuck. Give that ego a smack in the head and say, shut up!

In the words of Carl Jung, "Your vision will become clear only when you look into your own heart."

One Last Thought Before I Go to Bed With...

2009-10-11T20:21:00.000-06:00

...a book filled with spiritual wisdom!

Don't forget to tell someone, I love you...I'm thankful for you...don't be a selfish egomaniac with your unconditional loving kindness. Thank you for those that shared that with me today!

Loka Samasta Sukino Bhavantu. Om Shanti Shanti Shanti